What not to say

I had coffee earlier this afternoon with some of the women (I hate the word "ladies") from my Bible study.  They all have children with some disability or other and we got to talking about what people should not say to a parent of a child with a disability.  Number one on my list was, "I just feel so sorry for you."  No one wants pity and no one wants to be in a position that causes other people to pity them.  Instead, be open to talking to that parent.  I'm fully open to having a discussion with you about my child.  And once you talk to me, you'll see that there is no reason to feel sorry for me.  I love Cooper just the way he is.  Yes, he is challenging.  No, he may never be like other children.  But he's mine, he's what I was given, and that's ok.

And parents with "normal" children, encourage your kids to do the same.  Let your child talk to a child with a disability.  Or, if that isn't possible, let them talk to the parent.  The only way the next generation won't feel sorry for moms with kids like mine is exposing them to kids like Cooper.  Just a generation or two ago, children with disabilities were put in homes and not talked about.  We've come so far as a society.  Let's keep it up.

And really, what is a normal child?  Every child and every parent has issues that have to be dealt with.  No one is perfect.  No child or family is perfect.  I don't feel sorry for you, so please don't feel sorry for me.  If that sounds mean, I'm sorry.  I'm just trying to put things into perspective.

Does this like a kid you should feel sorry for??