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Friday, April 1, 2011

Tuesday

Cooper is officially starting "school" on Tuesday. Considering this day was supposed to come when Cooper was 5 or 6, this is going to be a rough day for me. In my head, I know that this will be good for him. He is going to the Allen School, a developmental school for infants to pre-K children with developmental delays like Cooper, kids with cerebral palsy, Down syndrome, autism, etc. He has access to speech, physical, and occupational therapists plus many wonderful teachers. This is what my logical, reasonable brain is telling me.

However, the emotional part of my brain and heart is resisting this move. He is mine! I don't want him spending all day (8:30-3:30) five days a week away from me! I feel like I have somehow failed as a mother because I can't help him in the way that he needs. I've already cried several times and I know Tuesday it is all I am going to do.

With all of this going on, I have been thinking a lot about Cooper and why God chose to give him to us. He has definitely been a challenge and I admit that I am jealous of everyone with "normal" babies. I know that there is no perfect child, but Cooper comes with his own special set of difficulties. This month alone, we are going to an endocrinologist, a pulmonary doctor, a neurosurgeon, and an ophthalmologist. He also has two radiology appointments: one for his thyroid and one for his skull. And that is just April. Plus, as a seven month old, he is still not rolling over, reaching for things, sitting up, etc. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE him! And he is beautiful! And is FINALLY smiling at me and happy all the time, but it is just happening so slowly!

Sorry for the rant!

4 comments:

lauren @ gathering moss said...

aw crady, i didn't realize you were going through so much! but i know that God does not give us challenges that we cannot handle, and i know that you are equipped to be the best mama to your precious boy. God also does not make us face our challenges alone, and that's why opportunities like cooper's new school come about - to support and guide you as you raise him, which is something that ALL parents need. doesn't make it easier to leave cooper at school, but don't get down on yourself! you are a wonderful mother and this is just an example of God providing :) xoxo

Katie said...

Crady, I love your honesty. I'm so glad you're updating everyone on sweet Cooper on this blog, too. I love him, and I adore his smile. Hang in there, and I'll be praying for you on his first day of school.

Jack said...

I know how terribly hard Tuesday will be for you . Just know that your love for Cooper will get you through this. As you are well aware, this will be the best place for him to be right now with getting the help he so needs. As a mom , we do what we must to help our children grow healthily. Parenting is hard and can be hurtful at times. You, Brad and Cooper will get thru these hard times because of your strong faith and love for each other. Hang in there as there will be a beautiful rainbow at the end of this journey for all three of you to enjoy. I love you all so much.

Jack said...

That was mom, by the way. Didn't know it would pop up as Jack.