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Sunday, October 16, 2011

How I Feel

People have been asking how I am feeling.  Here are some things I feel:

1. Tired- I am tired in every way it is possible to be tired.  Physically (sleeping every other night in a hospital room is not conducive to a restful state).  Mentally.  Emotionally.  Spiritually.  I'm literally almost to the point of exhaustion.

2. Frustrated- The question no one can seem to answer is why.  Why is Cooper refluxing this badly, all of a sudden?  Why is he aspirating all the time?  This is new.  He may have done this a little in the past, but never this much and never like this.  Are we just treating the symptoms?  Is there an bigger, underlying problem we just can't see or haven't found?  Where is the real-life House when you need him?

3. Angry-  See above.

4. Thankful-  Yep.  Even with everything going on, I read things like this and know that it could be so much worse.  Really, read that article.  Cooper may not have a terminal illness, but that is how I feel.  I have had to change my expectations as a parent.  And that is fine, but if you haven't gone through something like that, it's hard to imagine and truly understand.  So yes, I feel thankful all the time that everything that Cooper has, and has had, has been fixable.  And whatever the future may be or bring, at least he has a future.  Also, I'm thankful that we live in a place with amazing doctors.  I'm thankful for our amazing friends and families who are constantly doing the most simple, little things to remind us that they love us and care about us.  Four guys came over and built us a patio.  Robin called to see if we needed any groceries.  Sarah is coming to stay for a couple of days, just because.  We are one lucky family.

Cooper has a thing for passing out of Jessica; he did it every time she held him.  Also notice the accidental LSU colors.  Extra funny considering Tennessee got their butts kicked by LSU that day.

Coops with his new monster from the Godparents.  Notice that the face Coops is making is exactly the same as Cooper's face.

5. Happy- So happy and excited for our wonderful friends Matt and Sarah Bell.  They just welcomed their beautiful daughter, Hollin Elizabeth, into the world.  I can't wait to cuddle with her next month!


mary king said...

i don't know if you feel it, but you are one strong and amazing mother. this blog is powerful.

Lauren said...

Thank you for sharing YOUR feelings! I found this post to be extremely amazing! You are a wonderful Mommy! Love you!