There are many things I need to blog about (you know, like Semmes' birthday party that happened almost three weeks ago), but time is in short supply. However, I was talking with a friend yesterday morning and we were discussing how we almost can't remember who we were before we were moms. It seems like so much of our identity has been lost to the needs of our very young children. And for me, this goes a step further. I am not just a mom; I am a mom of a child with special needs. Sometimes, it seems that 99% of my time, my thoughts, and my efforts go toward my children. Semmes is in the throes of separation anxiety; not even Brad can make him happy much of the time. He needs his mommy ALL THE TIME. I know that this is a short season of his life and in some ways it does make me pretty happy, especially when he sees me across the room, throws his hands up in the air, and moves as fast as his little legs will let him go toward me (I would say run, but that would esteem the movement). And with Cooper, it seems like there is always a doctor's appointment, or a medicine to give, or his oxygen levels need to be monitored, or he's crying for absolutely no reason, or he's overwhelmed and needs to go off by himself and lay down. You know, things that normally aren't on the mind of a mom of a three and half-year-old.
In many ways, being a mom will always be a big part of my identity. Obviously. But as my children get older and need me less and go off to school and become their own little selves, I will be less needed and will less identify that way. Except for Cooper. I will always be needed with Cooper. And I will always be a mom of a special needs child as much as I am right now.
At book club last night, we were talking about how strange it is for us to realize that our parents were PEOPLE before they were parents. They had relationships, opinions, lives. And I think it takes having a child of your own to really realize that. Because you know that you were a person before you were a mom and you know that being a mom isn't 100% of you. But when your children are young, it's hard to remember that. Some days it's all I can do to keep my head above water.
Anyway, those're my ramblings for the day. As soon as I get the party pictures off of my camera, I'll do a post about that.
1 comment:
fabulous post! just remember that saying, "once a mom; always a mom" even after ur children become a parent! I am thankful that u r a great swimmer and can keep ur head above water. I love u and am so very proud of you.
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