My four year old

Tonight is the last night I put Cooper to bed as a three-year-old. How is that possible?! The last four years have seen some of my highest highs (basically every time Cooper smiles at me) and my lowest lows (seizures, every time he can't breathe, etc.). But I wouldn't change it. Cooper is awesome. And he's mine.

As Semmes grows and develops more and more, I often find myself playing the "what if" game. What if Cooper had been a typical kid? What would he be like now? What would my life be like? It's ridiculous and not fair to anyone, but I guess it's human nature to wonder. Most of the time I'm able to stamp down this melancholy part of myself, but I get sentimental around big moments like birthdays. And four is a big birthday.

There's something about Cooper being four that has me a little freaked out. For some reason, four just seems so big! FOUR. Even the word looks big to me (which is ridiculous, because three is a longer word). It might be that Cooper is now in the Pre-K class at school, even though we have two more years at The Allen School.  It might be that Cooper just looks like a big boy now. He's long and lean, just like a four-year-old.  Whatever it is, Cooper is a big kid now.  

Happy birthday, Cooper!  I love you to the moon and back!