Conversations with Semmes

Semmes is at the point, talking-wise, where he can have very basic conversations with me. He doesn't really have a whole lot of new stuff to offer, but he can repeat things, answer yes or no questions, and seems to really take everything in. Here are a couple of examples of conversations we've had over the last few days.

Semmes got Corduroy goes to the Doctor last weekend in Memphis. He loves it and has memorized the whole thing. The other day, out of the blue, he says, "Mama, I want to get a shot."
What?! I'm thinking to myself. Obviously, he has no idea that a shot hurts. "Why do you want to get a shot?" I ask him.
"I want bandaid," re replies. Of course, such a logical reason to want a shot. I tell him that the next time he goes to the doctor he doesn't have to get a shot; he's finished until he's four.
"Want bandaid."
"I'm sure you can still have a bandaid when we go to the doctor."
"No. Shot then bandaid."
"Oh," I say, remembering he still has to have a flu shot in the fall/winter, "you will have a flu shot in a few months and you can have a bandaid then!"
"OH! OK!" Never thought I'd have a kid so excited to be getting a shot. Hope this actually lasts until then!

Today, we went to the dinosaur exhibit at the Clinton Library. Semmes got to pick out a small dinosaur to take home with him. He chose a black triceratops (which is currently in the crib napping with him). I was putting him down for a nap and asked him what color his new dinosaur was.
"Black."
"That's right. What kind is it?"
"Triceratops (in kid speak)."
"Good! Did you know that they eat plants."
"OOOHHH (I wish I had recorded this sound)!! Dino eats plants! Dino loud! Dino roar roar (roar roar??)!"
"Yes, your dinosaur was loud. It roared."
"Red dino (at the museum, all the dinosaurs had different colored lights on them) say roar roar too! So loud!"
"What is the red dino called?"
"T-Rex."
"That's right. He eats meat."
"My dino eat plants."
"Right."

And then I put him down for his nap. That kid. He's hilarious.

Shut up about the "mommy wars"

Dear media, I know you really like to talk about the "mommy war." That thing where every type of mother hates every other type of mother. But really, shut up. There is no such thing (or if there is, I've never experienced it).

Here's why it does not exist.
1. No mom has enough time or energy to worry about what some other mom thinks or is doing. Unless they're asking for help or assistance. And then every mom I've ever met will give you all the advice and help you could ever want.
2. There are no "types" of moms. Yes, some moms work and some don't, some moms exclusively breastfeed and some only do formula, etc. But most moms do whatever they can to make their kids happy and kinda sane. At some point, I've tried things with my kids I never would've imagined. I've washed my cloth diapers in grapeseed oil extract, I've used coconut oil on a diaper rash, I've used tons of buttpaste and disposable diapers, I've bottle fed, I've given my kid formula, I've given my kid breastmilk from a bottle and from a breast...I've done it all. I'm not crunchy, I'm not holistic, I'm not a firm believer in everything my doctor (or husband) says, I'm a little bit of everything. If something is going on with my kid, I will try pretty much anything to fix it.
3. I'd rather have an open dialogue with another mom than a fight. The other day, a mom friend and I were talking punishment. She uses time-outs because they work for her. I don't because it's not really my thing. That was it. There was no war. No one tried to convince the other that they were right. It was a statement of facts, a revelation of our truths. Do I think she's wrong and I'm right? No. I think we're both right, even though we're doing two different things, because we have two different kids. And thank goodness for that!

And I don't think I'm in the minority of moms who feel this way. So can we just drop it now? Thanks.

Wheelchair

In the next week or so, Cooper will be getting a wheelchair.  And, while this is super exciting for Cooper, it means that I will have a child in a wheelchair.  And that's a little painful, if I'm being perfectly honest.  Things are about to get a little selfish up in here, but I'm a real person with real feelings that are sometimes ugly and not always correct, so deal with it.

In our culture, wheelchairs almost always have the negative association of "handicap," so much so that there's a whole "handicapable" campaign to disspell this belief. I don't want to have to defend Cooper.  If he's in his cool stroller thing, and we're just walking along, it's easy to imagine that Cooper is just a "normal" kid, but with a wheelchair, it will be obvious, even from a distance, that Cooper is far from "normal." I know, I'm being whiny and selfish, believe me, and I know that he will hopefully like it and be motivated to use it himself, but still...it kinda sucks.

I know that Cooper has no idea if someone looks at him funny or makes an ignorant comment, but I know.  And I somehow feel that having Cooper in a wheelchair will draw more of those looks and elicit more of those comments.  And I just don't want to deal with it.  I don't want to be nice when people are stupid.  I don't want to pretend not to notice that you're giving my child (or me) pitying looks.  I just don't.

But Cooper's physical therapist is super excited.  Brad is super excited.  And I will pretend to be super excited too.  Because, no matter what, he's my little guy.  And at the end of the day, when he snuggles up to me and says, "mama," I just melt and give him my heart all over again.

An Apology

I would like to apologize to anyone I may have hurt/offended by posting breastfeeding articles, etc. on Facebook.  I realize it can be hurtful to anyone who can't/doesn't want to breastfeed and I never meant that.  So, I'm going to say this.  If you don't breastfeed your child, it's cool.  No really, it is.  And I don't need to hear any excuse.  You are doing what is best for you and your child.  If you choose not to breastfeed for medical reasons, or because it creeps you out, or because you adopted, or because you want your spouse to be able to get up in the middle of the night and feed the baby too, or you're working and pumping is the worst (because it is), or you just don't want to, then that's cool.

I chose to breastfeed for two reasons.  1. Because I was lucky enough that I could.  2. It's free.  No really, I'm a cheapskate. All the other stuff is nice, but the free part was what decided me.  I had no lofty reasons, so I'm really in no position to judge.

Here is what bothers me about the breastfeeding stuff, and what the majority of what I post about on Facebook is really about: it's doing it in public.  If a woman chooses to feed her baby in public and she's formula feeding, no one gives it a second thought.  It's a non-issue.  If a woman chooses to BREASTFEED her baby in public, she better quickly toughen up because someone, at some point, is going to say something.  And that's just not fair.  And why I chose to educate myself before I started doing it.  I needed ammunition, a comeback in case anyone asked me to leave, or cover up, or go into a bathroom (eeewww), or whatever.  I wanted to know what was allowed and why it was important.  And then I probably got carried away.  I admit it.  But for such a long time, you feel like you have to fight for it.  Because at some point in your child's babyhood, you will have to feed them in public.  Because babies have ridiculously tiny stomachs and have to eat ALL THE TIME.  And Semmes was that baby that refused to be covered.  So I just gave up...and toughened up.  But probably too much.

So if anyone, at any point, has felt in any way judged by me on the breastfeeding vs. formula feeding thing, I'm sorry.  I'm really not judging you for feeding your baby formula.  Really.  I just had a bunch of walls up because I was just waiting for the fight to happen, you know?  But now Semmes is only eating once or twice a day.  So it's totally a non-issue now.

Obligatory Pumpkin Patch Post

We went to the pumpkin patch last week.  We went to BoBrook farms, which is where we've gone for the last four years and where we pick blueberries.  Cooper, for the first time, did not get to go this year.  With him missing a week of school for vacation and then him being sick off and on, he really can't miss any more days, especially not the quarter.  Plus, he has a Halloween Carnival at school and we have lots of Halloween stuff this weekend, so he will get his fair share of Halloween stuff.

Anyway, pictures!

Semmes loved the animals (of course).  They had goats, pigs, and chickens.

Owen and Semmes were REALLY into this "truck."  Would not get out of it, even though it was covered in mud.

Then we got this "truck" over by the corn pit.

Mom friends!!

My sweet boy:

He was very distracted by the giant, furry spider above us.

And then daddy got to come too!

This is the best one!

Talk at St. Mark's

I was asked to give a 1-2 minute stewardship talk about my experience at St. Mark's.  I gave the very short talk on Sunday.  I wanted to share it here as well.  If you're shopping for a new church home, you should consider checking out St. Mark's!

My husband and I are accidental members of St. Mark’s.  In the best possible way.  We moved here in June of 2010 for Brad’s pediatric residency at ACH.  We had been to a couple of churches, but were still church shopping when my dad and I visited St. Mark’s.  I liked the service, everyone was kind and welcoming, and the priests were great, so I filled out a visitor card.  Luke called me that Tuesday.  We talked for a while.  I told him that I was pregnant and due in about a month and he told me about their new ministry where members of the church bring food after the baby is born.  I said that that seemed great and that I would see him Sunday.  I gave birth the next day.  I honestly don’t remember how the church found out, but we had a couple of St. Mark’s visitors in the NICU, where Cooper spent his first eleven days of life.  Then when we got home, people just started showing up with food.  None of these people had ever met me, I had attended church there exactly once, heck, my husband had NEVER even been in the building, but the people of St. Mark’s opened their hearts, and their kitchens, to us.  It was pretty obvious that we had found our church home in Little Rock.  We officially became members the week before Cooper was baptized.

            When Cooper was about six months old, he was finally healthy enough for us to start attending church more regularly.  Brad was very busy and worked constantly that first year, so often it was just me and the baby in the back.  In this way, I got to know Sydney, who eventually invited me to join her Christ Care group.  This group of women has become my Little Rock family.  We get together weekly to share what’s going on in our lives, we pray for each other regularly, and I value each of the relationships I have with them.  My Monday nights feel empty on the weeks I have to miss Christ Care. 

            Cooper was born early and with an undiagnosed chromosome abnormality.  In the past four years, there have been a lot of highs and many, many lows.  My Christ Care group has been there for all of them.  They’ve sat with us at the hospital; they’ve let me cry with them; they’ve celebrated milestones with me. I give thanks to God often for their friendships. I am so blessed that we found St. Mark’s.

Best Friends

Cooper and Semmes are best friends.  Just ask Semmes.  If you ask him, "Who is your best friend?"  he will say, "Bubba" (his word for brother) without hesitation.  We talk about Cooper all the time.  Semmes laughs when Cooper laughs and cries when Cooper cries.  It's sweet and something I want to instill in Semmes early: that Cooper, his special big brother, is his best friend.

Posts like this make me want to cry. Cooper will never protect Semmes like a ninja or have candid, never-ending talk sessions.  He will never save him from trouble, share any secrets with him, or fight over silly things.  And that's fine.  There are many other ways to interact.  I dream about waking up one morning to Semmes and Cooper in one bed because Semmes crawled in there with him overnight.  I hope Semmes talks to Cooper, telling him all his secrets that he knows Cooper will never tell anyone.  I want them to be best friends in this way, since there are so many ways that they can't be best friends.  And this is why I have taught Semmes, all his life, that Cooper is his best friend.

The day may will come when Semmes will resent Cooper for something.  Our little family of four will never be able to all play together; someone will always have to be with Cooper. We will have to take turns riding rides or swimming or kicking the ball or whatever.  There is much you have to put aside when you have a child with special needs, and that's ok, but I know that at some point Semmes will complain and whine that it's unfair, and he will be right.  It is unfair, but Cooper will still be his best friend.  Because he was taught, from a young age, that Cooper is his brother, and therefore his best friend.